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WORK, Wonderful Opportunity (to) Repair Karma

Updated April 20, 1999
Whether or not you "believe" in karma, if you are keeping up with current business news, you will have to admit work is the new frontier. It's wide open spaces and sudden, unexpected changes. The bold people willing to start new businesses could strike gold, or go under in the general stampede. We are fortunate to be a part of this time in history.

So why are some folks moaning and groaning about down-sizing, layoffs, plant shut-downs? Because those are a part of the chaos and opportunity. It's easy for some to proclaim that down-sizing is a good thing -- but not if it's happened to you and you don't know how you are going to pay the bills and feed your family. Many people want things to stay just the way that they are. This is unrealistic, change is constant. If we are not growing and changing, we are zombie-like, dead. Some of us Americans are lazy about putting forth extra effort to learn new skills, uncover new facets of ourselves. We think the old ought to be good enough.

The insults that other nations have sometimes thrown at us about being "fat cats" are also often true. At work a woman who had just returned to the U.S. from years of living abroad noted that people in the U.S. EXPECT more material goods and a higher standard of living. Natives of the European countries where she lived had cold living quarters compared to here. They put on warmer clothing, including long-johns. They ate food according to the seasons, mostly locally produced food, didn't buy already-prepared food. Much of the entertainment was also home-grown, such as singing together, reading aloud and playing music. Back in the States she noticed that even many really poor people eat prepared or fast food, and have cable tv, a luxury. Jesse Ventura, the new governor of Minnesota also mentioned something about welfare recipients shouldn't have cable tv. While there is certainly another side to the story [poor people can't afford to do much else except watch tv, babysitters, movies, transportation are all too expensive] and it's wrong to PUNISH people for being poor, makes no sense at all, there is a bit of truth to the fact that we think we DESERVE to have luxuries, whether we've earned them or not.



As the result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect immediately. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late Aged Personnel).

Employees that are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. Provided they are SLAPPED, they can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This is called SHAFT (Study of Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems necessary. If an employee follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Program) unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income from Dependents or Spouse).

As HERPES or CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company. Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy to train employees through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).

This company takes pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.


---from a joke newsgroup.


Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since :Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

Then, we can state that : Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get : Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion : The less you know, the more you make.


Where should you go for your next holiday? Well, it all
depends on your present job. Here are the top
US holiday destinations for various occupations ;-)

Artists: Painted Desert, Arizona
Athletes: Olympia Heights, Florida
Candy Makers: Carmel, Indiana
College Professors: University City, Missouri
Ecologists: Green Bay Wisconsin
Firefighters: Smokey Mountains
Fortune tellers: Palm Springs, California
Geologists: Stone Mountain, Georgia
Gossip Columnists: Grapevine, Texas
Helicopter Pilots: Hoover, Alabama
Home Builders: New Castle, Pennsylvania
Jewelers: Pearl City, Hawaii
Landscapers: Garden City, Michigan
Lawyers: Accident, Maryland
Loan Officers: Fairbanks, Alaska
Lumber Jacks: Thousand Oaks, California
Manicurists: Finger Lakes, New York
Optometrists: Plainview, New York
Pastors: Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Pianists: Florida Keys
Podiatrists: Arches National Park, Utah
Politicians: Dodge City, Kansas
Prostitutes: Pleasure Ridge, Kentucky
Real Estate Salesmen: Loveland, Colorado
Refrigerator Repairmen: Chilum, Maryland
Retired Army Officers: East Point, Georgia
Sailors: Marina, California
Sheriffs: Marshalltown, Iowa
Tree Trimmers: Long Branch, New Jersey
TV Evangelists: Paradise, California

from Bill Stebbins


A humane society takes care of those who cannot take care of themselves. Unfortunately human nature being what it is, many folks find it much easier to let other people take care of them. And then they complain about how the help isn't good enough. Social service agencies must sort out who truly needs the help and those who are taking advantage of the system. This is a Herculean, impossible task; thankless too, as most recipients are not very grateful.

The older that I get, the more people with self-inflicted problems I see. This doesn't mean that these people don't need help, only that more sophisticated help is needed than merely throwing money at the problem.

Another issue altogether is that discrimination, classism and racism still live and thrive; people affected by them do not. Moreover, their problems are not of their own making.

The Power of Work!

An agency in this area, Goodwill Industries, trains and employs people with disabilities. Their slogan: "Believe in the Power of Work!" Work IS a powerful force that changes lives. Rather than daydreaming, planning, or being passive, work is actively DOING out in the world. A person will have a boost in self-esteem if they are well-thought of by others and contributing to their own community. Contrast this fortunate person to the one who is discriminated against, looked down upon, and thrown pennies to survive. Work is a simplistic answer to many of our social problems. We need to revive the good old American Work Ethic. This doesn't mean the slave-labor laws of forcing poor people to work at low-paying crummy jobs that nobody else would want, but helping people find and utilize their talents, so they can be justifiably proud of themselves and what they are doing.

Greed, and the American Way

The huge, continuing popularity of the lottery and other win-schemes attest: many of us Americans want something for nothing. This is precisely where the American Work Ethic has fallen away. The concept of working and saving for things has been largely replaced by the "buy now, pay later" mentality. Such a mode of thinking is particularly dangerous in an era of sudden layoffs and downsizing. Many people are caught with large bills and no incoming money to pay for them. Find and speak to depression-era survivors, they will caution us younger folk against indiscriminate credit buying and reiterate the wisdom of "saving up for a rainy day."